December 2017
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Trampoline:

Oh, I should be doing stuff but instead I’m blogging. Well, first of all I had to remember my password, it’s been a good while since I pressed a character on a wordpress screen…

…and that’s probably why I’m back here now. Lentil has started “Little School” (pre-school). He’s reached the grand age of two and a half, and is being gently eased into the school system with two 3 hour sessions a week at a small pre-school in a little hall in a big field. It’s the rational thing to do, he has to start somewhere and somewhen. The rational part of me can see that he isn’t finding it too traumatic and was in fact excited as we approached the school, pointing out the doors to me and wondering if he could play on the trampoline today. Once the doors were open, he dashed off across the room to the play kitchen, and wasn’t remotely bothered by my departure. Rationally I can see that he needs to spread his wings, he’s been ready for a while now, he needs to be in new situations making friends and learning on his own terms. Rationally I know that we have been very lucky, that despite the highs & lows of being a SAHM, it has been amazing to have had this precious time with him, when many of our friends and contemporaries have had to take harder childcare decisions much earlier.

The rational part of me only accounts for about 33%, the rest is emotional. And internal. And contrary. Which means that for the past few weeks I’ve been rebuffing any suggestion that I could be upset about him starting pre-school, because I don’t like to be projected onto, and on top of that I’ve been stuffing any emotions I feel about him starting pre-school. I feel like a tight little ball of closed-in energy. It also holds in a lot of stuff about Eddie.

After I left Lentil at pre-school, I walked back across a field pushing an empty pram surrounded by people walking their dogs. And it was horrible.

2 comments to Trampoline:

  • Horrible because of the dog poo on the field? No, I thought maybe not. Anyway, goals and objectives. Set yourself things to do in the periods when he’s not there. It’ll help.

  • Mark E.

    Its very very hard to walk away from them for anytime or any reason – no matter how rational. The emotional part of you will torment and antagonize you without relief. Sorry, that probably wasn’t much help.

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